Whitney Houston's passing has been a tough one but also a time to reflect about my own choices, my life and my mortality. It also gave me the kick to do some research. My opinion of the
media dropped by the hour (don't ask my opinion of the human race after sampling some online comments), and I've stopped reading the updates. The news that her daughter
collapsed took me right back to 1975 and my own mother's death. I didn't 'collapse' to my knowledge, but I have an idea of how Bobbi
Kristina must feel and my heart goes out to her. And kudos to Anderson Cooper and Janet Jackson's
view of the word 'closure'.
As it was the weekend Princess Diana died, I saw the news on the internet, and went into 'stunned' mode. I remember I talked via phone a long time to an old friend and discussed my challenges with staying sober. For high dramatic purposes, the timing of Whitney's death, the Grammy's, and the Academy Awards coming up, it was a perfect storm. And, industry town that Los Angeles is, walking around the neighborhood you could just sense the collective sadness and you sure as hell could 'smell fear' in the air. I bet the sewers were filled with a lot of expensive substances flushed away last weekend.
I remember watching Whitney's early music videos at JR.'s in Dallas. There was nothing quite like her. I assumed she was at least 10 years younger..meaning that 1986 Diet Coke commercial was made when she was 14. In fact she was just 9 months younger than oh-so-pretentious-make that-sophisticated me.
This bull-shit trip down the nostalgia trail ends NOW. The white elephant is, for me: Am I going to die like 'that'? And, no, I don't mean in the tub of a suite at the Beverly Hilton.
As I struggle with my own issues, addictions and bored bad-boy-behavior, I know too well how very grey these areas are. 'These areas' are: when does substance use/abuse become too much? Will I be so lucky to just 'wear out' and pass in my sleep? Or under 'mysterious circumstances' that will bring pain, speculation and rude comments to those who love and care for me? I mean, the dead get to miss all that. I get very angry at those who toss the word 'druggie' about, as if they've never rushed to a doctor at the first sniffle of a cold or an imagined pain in their ass.. In my opinion, anyone who sees a doctor and is given a prescription is as much a 'druggie' as someone buying pills under a streetlight on Skid Row. That's where I agree with Tony Bennett on legalizing all drugs.
My hope is the autopsy and subsequent toxicology reports will conclude that Whitney Houston simply 'wore out'. That may be wishful and 'look the other way' thinking on my part. I don't think she'd be one to be pitied, and this may surprise many of you non-Hollywood types, but fame, fortune, and having it 'all' can sometimes be a curse of the worst kind.
The blessing in this has been I've been looking at on line programs targeting procrastination...a subject which I need to stop procrastinating about. Because all the 'stuff' I see in the mirror are the symptoms of something buried deep and long ago.
Back in 1986 at JR's, watching Whitney on MTV, I wished and wished for an exciting life. I didn't expect that would include mourning that talented, and yes, troubled woman's death so soon.
As it was the weekend Princess Diana died, I saw the news on the internet, and went into 'stunned' mode. I remember I talked via phone a long time to an old friend and discussed my challenges with staying sober. For high dramatic purposes, the timing of Whitney's death, the Grammy's, and the Academy Awards coming up, it was a perfect storm. And, industry town that Los Angeles is, walking around the neighborhood you could just sense the collective sadness and you sure as hell could 'smell fear' in the air. I bet the sewers were filled with a lot of expensive substances flushed away last weekend.
I remember watching Whitney's early music videos at JR.'s in Dallas. There was nothing quite like her. I assumed she was at least 10 years younger..meaning that 1986 Diet Coke commercial was made when she was 14. In fact she was just 9 months younger than oh-so-pretentious-make that-sophisticated me.
This bull-shit trip down the nostalgia trail ends NOW. The white elephant is, for me: Am I going to die like 'that'? And, no, I don't mean in the tub of a suite at the Beverly Hilton.
As I struggle with my own issues, addictions and bored bad-boy-behavior, I know too well how very grey these areas are. 'These areas' are: when does substance use/abuse become too much? Will I be so lucky to just 'wear out' and pass in my sleep? Or under 'mysterious circumstances' that will bring pain, speculation and rude comments to those who love and care for me? I mean, the dead get to miss all that. I get very angry at those who toss the word 'druggie' about, as if they've never rushed to a doctor at the first sniffle of a cold or an imagined pain in their ass.. In my opinion, anyone who sees a doctor and is given a prescription is as much a 'druggie' as someone buying pills under a streetlight on Skid Row. That's where I agree with Tony Bennett on legalizing all drugs.
My hope is the autopsy and subsequent toxicology reports will conclude that Whitney Houston simply 'wore out'. That may be wishful and 'look the other way' thinking on my part. I don't think she'd be one to be pitied, and this may surprise many of you non-Hollywood types, but fame, fortune, and having it 'all' can sometimes be a curse of the worst kind.
The blessing in this has been I've been looking at on line programs targeting procrastination...a subject which I need to stop procrastinating about. Because all the 'stuff' I see in the mirror are the symptoms of something buried deep and long ago.
Back in 1986 at JR's, watching Whitney on MTV, I wished and wished for an exciting life. I didn't expect that would include mourning that talented, and yes, troubled woman's death so soon.
1 comment:
Its still hard for me to say how I feel about her death. I cant say I am sad, or all that surprised. I think she had an amazing gift that she shared with all of her fans and the world,and lived a live a wealth and privilege that few ever know. What she did with and/or to herself was her own choice. Addiction and denial are equal opportunity infections, but she certainly had a lot more resources at her disposal in get herself better, if indeed she was an addict in denial. I never saw her use drugs, so in the end I can only form an opinion based on the media.
In the end, anyone's death at the hand of their own behavior is a loss. Drugs, alcohol and negative mental states all devour potential, so weather its a 48 year old famous entertainer, or the 48 year old accountant down the street, its all very sad.
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