A few days ago, I was directed to a blog by a new writer. It was everything I 'wish' I could put on a page, but don't. The raw honesty, the fears, the self-doubt, the good and the bad: We ALL have these arguments with ourselves, but its not easy to put that on a page. Someone has. It's compelling.
I don't know if this person will continue to blog, or if he will delete what he posted. So, because I feel with such conviction that his words are made available. And here is the link and the post to what I think is The Best Damn Blog On PNP You May Not Want to Read
http://anotherchance2scewup.blogspot.com/
My abuse of drugs has fairly ruined my life. Most of any spare cash I ever had went to purchasing drugs. I have lost four jobs all due to drug use as I often go on days long "runs" and blow off work without calling out.
I had a horrible time in high school so the idea of going to college was out of the question. My parents were terrible at parenting (Apathetic verbally abusive mother, and a limp father, they divorced when I was 18 months old), and that led to me being something of a cowardly sheep with pretty much zero self confidence and a budding anti social behavioral issue. My idea of fun is being as offensive and inappropriate as possible under the guise of humor.
As a gay man my taste is and has always been body builders. Physically I am a mess. The idea of stepping into a gym generates a fear and anxiety in me that is very hard to explain, but its paralyzing and lends to my already low self confidence as I have a visible paunch and virtually no muscle. Not exactly what a body builder is going to swoon over to say the least.
So what is my purpose here? I recently read another blog written by a man I met on a webcam site. In his blog he combines current issues and relates them to his own drug use and experiences, and I was inspired to try and write one of my own.
The truth is my life is so fucked up I am terrified about what is going to happen to me. I may be weak, amoral, and terribly misguided, but I know that there is a good person in here somewhere, and I hope that somehow this will help me get a grip. Also, if there is someone out there on a precipice of destruction due to their own use issues, that maybe this will help pull them back just a little.
I have been on a long stretch of unemployment and I have an interview this afternoon.
Lets see how it all goes....shall we.
What greater wisdom in the simple phrase, 'let's see how it all goes'. Brilliant.
I encourage him to continue writing, because his voice is much more relevant that my dressed up Meth-ro-Goldwyn-Mayer screenplays could ever hope to be.
I don't know if this person will continue to blog, or if he will delete what he posted. So, because I feel with such conviction that his words are made available. And here is the link and the post to what I think is The Best Damn Blog On PNP You May Not Want to Read
http://anotherchance2scewup.blogspot.com/
How do you do?
So lets get to the heart of things, shall we. I am a middle aged gay man living somewhere in the wilds of the North East of the good old USA. I started getting high and having sex at 20, and some 20 years later, are doing the same thing, different drugs, but with sex just the same. I am not and will never be a person that shuns drug use, because I am fully aware that there are people who can moderate and temper their use so that they can lead a mostly "normal" life of home, cars, vacation, and disposable income....I am not one of those people.My abuse of drugs has fairly ruined my life. Most of any spare cash I ever had went to purchasing drugs. I have lost four jobs all due to drug use as I often go on days long "runs" and blow off work without calling out.
I had a horrible time in high school so the idea of going to college was out of the question. My parents were terrible at parenting (Apathetic verbally abusive mother, and a limp father, they divorced when I was 18 months old), and that led to me being something of a cowardly sheep with pretty much zero self confidence and a budding anti social behavioral issue. My idea of fun is being as offensive and inappropriate as possible under the guise of humor.
As a gay man my taste is and has always been body builders. Physically I am a mess. The idea of stepping into a gym generates a fear and anxiety in me that is very hard to explain, but its paralyzing and lends to my already low self confidence as I have a visible paunch and virtually no muscle. Not exactly what a body builder is going to swoon over to say the least.
So what is my purpose here? I recently read another blog written by a man I met on a webcam site. In his blog he combines current issues and relates them to his own drug use and experiences, and I was inspired to try and write one of my own.
The truth is my life is so fucked up I am terrified about what is going to happen to me. I may be weak, amoral, and terribly misguided, but I know that there is a good person in here somewhere, and I hope that somehow this will help me get a grip. Also, if there is someone out there on a precipice of destruction due to their own use issues, that maybe this will help pull them back just a little.
I have been on a long stretch of unemployment and I have an interview this afternoon.
Lets see how it all goes....shall we.
What greater wisdom in the simple phrase, 'let's see how it all goes'. Brilliant.
I encourage him to continue writing, because his voice is much more relevant that my dressed up Meth-ro-Goldwyn-Mayer screenplays could ever hope to be.
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