Boycott Boffo

My abstinence from Skype was a three-day, non-newsworthy event. You may recall I went off-line as I had another in a series of annoying, disjointed, less-than-stellar mornings. Although I take ownership that I wasn't at my best game either (symptoms: quick to anger, whiny, alternately not caring and being too concerned), when the game of 'pay no attention to that group of voices or those people walking behind me, it's only you and I here' comes from supposed old friends (also not putting best foot forward), it is time to reassess.
And after 3 nice days, I returned, put up my profile photo, changed my profile message (which no one reads it seems) and went through my contact list.

And began pruning.

Removing someone as a contact is really doing nothing more than just that. Time passes, people come and go, you lose the momentum of keeping up. And you have people who disrespect your wish to IM before calling, those who don't know what the fuck they're doing with regards to using Skype (9 people is about all a group conference can handle, not all 123 names on the list you just made up, doofus. And I feel an obligation to myself to eliminate the reminder of a bad experience. You might expect that I should also let the other person know why I'm dropping them, but why try to be reasonable...and if they aren't logged on when you are, the message goes into a queue until you both are on simultaneously.

There are a few who I know are on a break or I've not seen in awhile, haven't replied to my messages (as I just said, Skype IM's only transmit if both parties are on line at the same time, you know), or I just don't want to drop them.


I just don't like it when people aren't upfront with me about camming. And I'm not the only one. A few days ago, I was on Skype and the call dropped. My fellow Skyper sent me an IM that read 'I'm getting an error message saying 'cannot view playback': are YOU recording this?" 
"No, but maybe you are, "I replied. I didn't need to tell this person that if he is concerned about his image winding up on the internet, he needs to either a)stop appearing naked and high on cam or b) retire from the public sector and perhaps consider plastic surgery and a change of hair color as a bonus. I suppose he could invest in some masks or other gimmick.
Another caller had poor video quality. This is caused by having too many applications running at once (or being wireless and having a bad connection.) He told me he had closed everything out...just as the familiar bell sound of NKP's chat room came through. It's not that I'm trying to get your attention on me, but if you can only see pixels instead of a penis, it's kinda dull. Rorschach testing this ain't.

Rorschach! not Horshack!

For Your Consideration

A few days ago, I was directed to a blog by a new writer. It was everything I 'wish' I could put on a page, but don't. The raw honesty, the fears, the self-doubt, the good and the bad: We ALL have these arguments with ourselves, but its not easy to put that on a page. Someone has. It's compelling.
I don't know if this person will continue to blog, or if he will delete what he posted. So, because I feel with such conviction that his words are made available. And here is the link and the post to what I think is The Best Damn Blog On PNP You May Not Want to Read

 http://anotherchance2scewup.blogspot.com/

How do you do?

So lets get to the heart of things, shall we.  I am a middle aged gay man living somewhere in the wilds of the North East of the good old USA.  I started getting high and having sex at 20, and some 20 years later, are doing the same thing, different drugs, but with sex just the same.  I am not and will never be a person that shuns drug use, because I am fully aware that there are people who can moderate and temper their use so that they can lead a mostly "normal" life of home, cars, vacation, and disposable income....I am not one of those people.

My abuse of drugs has fairly ruined my life.  Most of any spare cash I ever had went to purchasing drugs. I have lost four jobs all due to drug use as I often go on days long "runs" and blow off work without calling out.

I had a horrible time in high school so the idea of going to college was out of the question.  My parents were terrible at parenting (Apathetic verbally abusive mother, and a limp father, they divorced when I was 18 months old), and that led to me being something of a cowardly sheep with pretty much zero self confidence and a budding anti social behavioral issue.   My idea of fun is being as offensive and inappropriate as possible under the guise of humor.

As a gay man my taste is and has always been body builders.  Physically I am a mess.   The idea of stepping into a gym generates a fear and anxiety in me that is very hard to explain, but its paralyzing and lends to my already low self confidence as I have a visible paunch and virtually no muscle.  Not exactly what a body builder is going to swoon over to say the least.

So what is my purpose here?  I recently read another blog written by a man I met on a webcam site.  In his blog he combines current issues and relates them to his own drug use and experiences, and I was inspired to try and write one of my own.

The truth is my life is so fucked up I am terrified about what is going to happen to me.  I may be weak, amoral, and terribly misguided, but I know that there is a good person in here somewhere, and I hope that somehow this will help me get a grip.  Also, if there is someone out there on a precipice of destruction due to their own use issues, that maybe this will help pull them back just a little.

I have been on a long stretch of unemployment and I have an interview this afternoon.

Lets see how it all goes....shall we.


What greater wisdom in the simple phrase, 'let's see how it all goes'. Brilliant.
I encourage him to continue writing, because his voice is much more relevant that my dressed up Meth-ro-Goldwyn-Mayer screenplays could ever hope to be.