For $6995 plus airfare, I could enjoy 28 days rehab on an island off the coast of Thailand. I'm not kidding! An organization called DARA is behind this. Only I could go searching for information on battling addiction and recovery options and get pitched an exotic month in a foreign land. And it says something about me that I would a) think it's a frivolous and a ridiculous idea b) that I should suffer in order to sober up c) it sounds too good to be true and d) I don't have $7 grand: I don't even have cash available: my checking account is overdrawn, my rent is due.....
Breathe. I read somewhere that concentrating on breathing helps. It's called mindful meditation. And it is working. Breathe.
I came about this as I pondered 4 Stages of Addiction to Recovery Awareness:
1. A willingness to address the issue : I'd say I'm willing. I can't keep going like this.
2. Research and reflection: I've always been pretty good about educating myself about addictions: and now I've begun to reflect how it's affecting me. With so many people gone now, there's no one left but me....and that face in the mirror to talk to. How I'm going to have this support network of friends and family when I have no family is something I'll get to.
3. Exploring Recovery: I guess that's what I'm doing now...exploring
4. The journey begins: I'm not there yet.
A little less easy to digest were 15 things to give up in recovery:
The Need to Always Be Right: not a problem
The Need to Control Things: this won't be so simple
Blaming Other People: I blame only myself.
Listening to 'The Critic'(that negative inner voice)well, perhaps 'blame' is too harsh.
Being a Critic : I hope that I've come away from this learning not to judge others
Listening to Self Limiting Beliefs: maybe going to Thailand isn't such an extravagance after all?
Trying to Impress Other People: I've never tried to impress: if anything I've tried to lay low.
Fighting Change: This one is tough....
Labeling Out of Ignorance: I hate labels.
Being Afraid of Life : Fear exists only in the mind, the explanation says. Yes, and my unconscious knows what scares me.....FUCK! Where's Zelda Rubinstein when you need her?
Always Having an Excuse I'm beginning to hate this list
Obsessing about the Past No: I don't do this.
Attachment to Certain Conditions: Recovery is all about developing emotional sobriety (I like that term). Buddha advised his followers to be free from attachment. Ok...I can grasp that.
Living life to Please Other People: To Thine Own Self Be True wrote Mr. Shakespeare. To me this says not to let drugs or addictions of any kind run the show. I may be powerless, but it's my movie, damn it.
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