Room 4 Rent: but You Can't Afford This Utility

Design for Living
Back when two of my friends and I were all facing unemployment, I proposed this idea to the fourth of our little tribe: "I think we should combine resources. Since Walt and Lou own a 4 bedroom house,  but aren't a couple, Jack and I could move in, pay rent, and set an example for modern economic depression living.
4's Company
Walt and Lou, you see, had a big place with no furniture and a strong demand for a housekeeper. I had the furniture and liked to clean. Jack was adept at fixing anything. We all got along more or less. Walt resented Lou for not being independent, and Walt was always bemoaning the loss of community. I wasn't proposing this be a permanent arrangement, and I was all for legal rental agreements, etc.
Or So I Thought
You'd have thought I'd suggested we 4 share a 1 room cell in a Medieval monastery. Although I actually never got Lou or Jack's reaction. Walt, as defacto head of our circle, refused to even consider it, feeling he had 'one jobless burden on his hands, why triple it?' I suppose personalities also had a bit to do with it. "The only hit that comes out of a Helen Lawson show is Helen Lawson." Walt was very much a Helen Lawson. And despite what you may be thinking, I can blend well into ensemble pieces.
Sharing isn't easy
Flashing forward: Walt, Jack and Lou are part of my past. I didn't need increasingly crabby Walter to nix my idea. I suspect he was more peeved I didn't take the first menial job I could find, but to take time off and write. Skipping ahead, my previous roommate moved out in March and after a great summer doing some needed work around my place and living alone, I began seeking someone to sublet the other room and bath in June: but have yet to find the right fit. This baffles me.  I've tried higher rents, lower rents, furnished, unfurnished, you name it. With one exception.
Amenities abound, save one
Sex with me is not part of the lease. I don't advertise as Wild and Woolly Topman either, but that didn't stop the avalanche of sexually themed inquiries. At first I thought it was a bit odd that I'd get these calls or emails with 'and oh, you'd be free to have sex with me as much as you'd like." But after say, the 30th repeat of this idea, I was tired. One or two even felt they'd be so perfect for me, they could live here free...as my sex slave. Did I likey?
All bills paid
I don't likey. I likey rent money. This is about sharing living expenses in an increasingly unrealistic city to live in. I don't need a best friend, man Friday or wacky sidekick. Why should such a basic need become a 3 month process?
Neither Mr. Lonely Nor Mr. Perfect
So, knowing that it was going to turn into sex on my dining room table, I played along with one of these faux renters. He was charmed by the place, found our conversation stimulating and.....I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard it; 'scintillating'.
Well, that type of flattery led us to being naked, he atop the table and me doing what I do best, which isn't carving the turkey. Alas, his mind was elsewhere: like most bottoms one top is never enough, he was dreaming of 9 more like me, that is if the others were black and prone to violence. Turned off, I stopped, left him watching porn for an hour alone, and returned only to signal that it was time he left. "You know," he purred, "When you have your next sex party, I'd be glad to serve as a monitor." I bet that looks good on an application.
Single White Male Still Seeks...Sane or a clever actor for Share
My ex had a Tupperware party to raise money for charity once, but despite my bachelorhood, sex parties just aren't congruent with my grandmother's wing back chairs, the wall of books, my uncle's silver service or my friendly yet attention demanding cats. So, the search continues.