Sunday, May 22, 2011

Can't Fish? Cannes Fish. Film at 11

Originally posted 5/22/11 on another site.

In my town, we’ve been on top of the Cannes Film Festival. And because I know you’re too shy (or high) to ask, it’s pronounced ‘can’. Yep. Don’t say ‘khan’ unless you’re talking about Genghis, Chaka or the Star Trek sequel. 

The first Palme d’Or recipient was the 1955 film Marty, directed by Delbert Mann, who would become my next ‘d’Or’ neighbor when I arrived in Los Angeles in 1988.  

A good film tells a story. There are a million kinky stories and many can be found right here.  And when I say ‘film’, I mean video, you cochon kinky méchant bourgeois!
(The French lesson is free by the way.)
 
Examinons le genre du film des 'le party' to parlez about, oui? Merci.  There now at www.chempigs.com and your paid NKP membership gets you in, libre. Other zodiac signs too.

For les stupides amateurs: read the following carefully on how to make a great video.
-Viewers want to see your point (a syringe looking instrument aka a ‘rig’) registering (meaning something looking like blood goes into the ‘rig’). 
-Next, show us the contents of the rig being injected.
-Lastly: ‘the rush’. For those auditing this class sans experience, the rush is a (chemically induced v natural) sensation of heat, a feeling of extreme euphoria and an involuntary surrender of control and inhibitions as the rig’s contents swoosh via the blood stream through the body.

Do not cheat your viewers by ending there: critics can be merciless.
The audience expects to see, if not the whole face or body, a portion of the face (think masks, eyewear, lampshades) as the rush rolls.  A hearty cough, never guaranteed nor ever should be, may be heard, so please have sound. The film and ritual are completed (and thus properly respected) by the slammer uttering, muttering, howling, or punctuating via exclamation the Esperanto phrase:  ‘Fuck Yeah!’  The End. 

Savvy viewers won’t be impressed with lavish sets, designer wardrobe, casts of thousands, special effects or love themes if your basics aren’t in place. Squalor and disaster aren’t in vogue; happy and horny ever after always are.  Should you unwittingly bomb, don’t fret but consider pulling your vid tout de suite.

The best films, regardless of subject, are when we, les voyeurs, feel the passion. Passionate old Top that I am, I can’t resist a parody of movie musicals. And I have never watched Glee: I'm an old school queer.
Click here, and substitute today’s genre word ‘slam’ every time you hear ‘jazz’. Sing loud and howl with me: OH…FUCK…YEAH!

Voila! Vive le cinema! Class dismissed.

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