*by no means a 'boy' but grant me artistic (and marketing) license.
About 3 months ago, on a website far far away, I stumbled across the cam of
a very cute looking guy, a few years younger than me....well, eighteen years younger if you must know. Donning my
wolf-in-worsted-wool-style I sent salutations, and asked him to join me on Oo-voo,
or AIM, or ICQ...it didn't matter...he agreed. I'm not one for groveling...I
mean... seducing attractive younger men in chat rooms with two hundred strangers
eavesdropping really cramps my style.
NO, I ONLY PLAY A WARLOCK ON CAM...oh gosh, we are on a cam,
ahem.
Thank goodness I sensed this guy was knee deep in a tweak or I'd probably
said, "Warlock? You confuse me with Carlos Estevez...aka Charlie Sheen. I
am greater than that!"(I encountered CS in Vegas years ago,
plastered, as we shared an elevator ride in the Golden Nugget Hotel). But it didn't
matter, my new pal from the Midwest, had cast me as the leader of an all
powerful organization intent on doing him no good. Being a man shaped by
movies, I merged the Stepford
Men's Association with those loveable old coots who shared the Dakota Apts with
Rosemary and her baby-to-be...then realized it's no compliment being compared with Sidney Blackmer,
Maurice Evans or even Ruth Gordon. I know
my voice is a bit nasal but..really!
NOT SO FAST, FURIOUS OR FUNNY
I make light of this, but Andy, an otherwise intelligent, grounded guy was
in bad straits. And there was no charming smile, no witty repartee, nothing I
could do to calm his fears. I'd encountered this before...with guys of all shapes and sizesbut I usually could talk them out of their trees. And for the first time, I
wondered if my on screen 'persona', which isn't too far from 'me' but certainly
ratched up, was working against me. And, perhaps for the first time, I
consciously saw what staying too long at the party could invite. We've all
watched as someone who clearly needs to call it a night continues on. Sometimes
we egg them on. (and sometimes, that totally fucked up person is playing
us...meaning he's sober as a judge). Actions have consequences, lest we forget.
GONE IN 60 SECONDS
I managed to get Andy's email before he logged off and blocked me. I even
took some time to research the macabre meanderings in his midwest village
(thank God it wasn't Wisconsin). Time went by, and to my utmost pleasure, I got
an email last week from him and we caught up. He's backed off chemistry
class and opted for philosophy. He's far braver than I, but we expect that of
subsequent generations. And I'm proud as any papa could
be, not because of what I did, but what I didn't do.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The Blogger Who Came Back
(this is a re-post of a blog from a prior site. New readers to this blog can 'catch up' on the narrative and go back into the previous entries, now entirely included here..)
BROTHER CAN YOU SPARE A LINE?
It's after 2AM on the West Coast....or maybe it's later. California's economy...last to go into recession,always the very last to come out, is so very lousy I expect Daylight Savings Time has lost value.
I HAVE NOT RETURNED WITH TABLETS FROM CEDARS-SINAI...ERR MOUNT SINAI.
That's a Ten Commandments reference...not a pharmaceutical one. I enjoyed my sabbatical(though anyone can always find me a Skypeing). I didn't return with long grey hair and saffron robes or really any revelation. So much for Shangri-La.
I wasn't on top of Old Smokey nor on Top of the World, but I did have some mighty fine playtime on top of some mighty sexy men: and more than a few were actual human beings! (Make of that what you will)
I was outdoors, indoors, in a tent, incognito, and inflagrante delicto. And I even got to spout movie dialog.
ON TO THE BAD NEWS
While I've been interviewing, networking and brainstorming my entreprenuerial ass off, no jobs have manifested themselves. And, baffling, no roommate for my extra bedroom (see classifieds). And the weekend of Carmageddon, I learned what its like to be a hockey puck with Hollywood Boulevard as the rink, and a Silver Jeep Cherokee as the mighty stick who rammed in the side of my car, and sped away. I wasn't injured but my yellow car was.
So, as of now I seem to be about 5G's short. And I don't have either a Rhett Butler, Daddy Warbucks or reliable Ouija board to help me out.
SITUATION WANTED
Yes, I have a plan of action, sort of. I remember someone cautioning me about 'trading down', which is a matter of opinion. Living high on the hog is a bit pretentious in this decade. The best defense is still a good offense. But never have I felt so very much like the orphan I am. I am not alone: everyone is feeling a python-like squeeze of tough times, uncertainty and apathy, and I understand that.
A BOWL OF DOLLY PARTON
She gave a terrific performance at the Hollywood Bowl, but also shared her thoughts on her life in some very frank words. She decided she was going to be rich, and she acknowledged that she'd often paid dearly for that choice. I look around at my own life, and realize that while not financially set, I made choices; make choices, and it would be easy to reflect and drive myself bonkers with regret. I have no regrets. We can't change our past, we don't know what tomorrow brings, but we can affect NOW.
JUST SAY NO? NO.
You think getting high (or getting sober) is the quick fix. No such luck. Hell, my closest friends and I can't even admin ourselves correctly these days. And when partying becomes borng, you know that as addictive a personality you might have, that blaming the drugs is bogus, like blaming your problems today on your parents for not paying for ballet lessons at age 5(NO, not me!) or blaming Bozo the clown, and thus, all clowns for not showing up at the Chrysler dealer by Love Field in 1972(ok, that was me).
LIVING IS THE BEST REVENGE
My point? Look in the mirror. It begins and ends with you. No knight in shining armor, no golden ticket in a Wonka Bar. No waking up and having dead Bobby Ewing pop out of the shower. I have to figure it out, and damn it I will. I'm not going to be a victim. I have to figure it out, however long it takes and at whatever price. I have to grow up. That really burns my creme brulee.
My grandmother would have nipped my whining in two shakes of a lamb's tail and kicked my narrow ass for good measure. "Always remember, you were born in the briar patch'. And with that, I'm heading to sleep and pick up where I left off in a few hours.
BROTHER CAN YOU SPARE A LINE?
It's after 2AM on the West Coast....or maybe it's later. California's economy...last to go into recession,always the very last to come out, is so very lousy I expect Daylight Savings Time has lost value.
I HAVE NOT RETURNED WITH TABLETS FROM CEDARS-SINAI...ERR MOUNT SINAI.
That's a Ten Commandments reference...not a pharmaceutical one. I enjoyed my sabbatical(though anyone can always find me a Skypeing). I didn't return with long grey hair and saffron robes or really any revelation. So much for Shangri-La.
I wasn't on top of Old Smokey nor on Top of the World, but I did have some mighty fine playtime on top of some mighty sexy men: and more than a few were actual human beings! (Make of that what you will)
I was outdoors, indoors, in a tent, incognito, and inflagrante delicto. And I even got to spout movie dialog.
ON TO THE BAD NEWS
While I've been interviewing, networking and brainstorming my entreprenuerial ass off, no jobs have manifested themselves. And, baffling, no roommate for my extra bedroom (see classifieds). And the weekend of Carmageddon, I learned what its like to be a hockey puck with Hollywood Boulevard as the rink, and a Silver Jeep Cherokee as the mighty stick who rammed in the side of my car, and sped away. I wasn't injured but my yellow car was.
So, as of now I seem to be about 5G's short. And I don't have either a Rhett Butler, Daddy Warbucks or reliable Ouija board to help me out.
SITUATION WANTED
Yes, I have a plan of action, sort of. I remember someone cautioning me about 'trading down', which is a matter of opinion. Living high on the hog is a bit pretentious in this decade. The best defense is still a good offense. But never have I felt so very much like the orphan I am. I am not alone: everyone is feeling a python-like squeeze of tough times, uncertainty and apathy, and I understand that.
A BOWL OF DOLLY PARTON
She gave a terrific performance at the Hollywood Bowl, but also shared her thoughts on her life in some very frank words. She decided she was going to be rich, and she acknowledged that she'd often paid dearly for that choice. I look around at my own life, and realize that while not financially set, I made choices; make choices, and it would be easy to reflect and drive myself bonkers with regret. I have no regrets. We can't change our past, we don't know what tomorrow brings, but we can affect NOW.
JUST SAY NO? NO.
You think getting high (or getting sober) is the quick fix. No such luck. Hell, my closest friends and I can't even admin ourselves correctly these days. And when partying becomes borng, you know that as addictive a personality you might have, that blaming the drugs is bogus, like blaming your problems today on your parents for not paying for ballet lessons at age 5(NO, not me!) or blaming Bozo the clown, and thus, all clowns for not showing up at the Chrysler dealer by Love Field in 1972(ok, that was me).
LIVING IS THE BEST REVENGE
My point? Look in the mirror. It begins and ends with you. No knight in shining armor, no golden ticket in a Wonka Bar. No waking up and having dead Bobby Ewing pop out of the shower. I have to figure it out, and damn it I will. I'm not going to be a victim. I have to figure it out, however long it takes and at whatever price. I have to grow up. That really burns my creme brulee.
My grandmother would have nipped my whining in two shakes of a lamb's tail and kicked my narrow ass for good measure. "Always remember, you were born in the briar patch'. And with that, I'm heading to sleep and pick up where I left off in a few hours.
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